Sunday, November 1, 2020

That was a bust

Halloween was meh and that's being nice. I did not go to any get togethers or anything like that. I stayed home and I handed out candy to the 8 kids that came to the house. Now I have a bunch of left over candy that I do not want to eat. Daylight savings happened last night too, but I did not realize it until I woke up. I thought It was normal time until I went into the kitchen and my clock in there was an hour ahead. I've got too much on my mind and it's not what I want to think about. Hopefully today I can go to the gym and clear my mind.

I got a haircut - November 1st, 2020











Darlene Rabideau











Darlene Rabideau



Thursday, October 8, 2020

Putting in work

Yesterday I got my car all cleaned up nice and neat. It took from 6:00 AM until 2:00 PM, but it was well worth it. The car just looks so much better. To me, it's like it's glowing. If I could have polished it, the results would have been even better. I had to polish off the dirt where the emblems/badges were on the trunk. Soap and water was not working. The polisher took that dirt right off though, which made me feel good. Getting the new Lexus badge on the trunk lid makes a difference. I wanted it to stick on well, so I that is why I polished the area. I sprayed it down with isopropyl alcohol too so that there was no residue. It went on like perfectly. The sealing and waxing took the longest and was the hardest part. The only reason it was hard was that I could not see where I put the product on since the car is white. I had to tilt my head at a certain angle, but I got it on and off. I will probably wash the car again this weekend just because. I feel good about how the car looks now. 

October 7th, 2020

October 7th, 2020

October 7th, 2020

Engine bay. It's a lot going on, but it's clean - October 7th, 2020

What I used. Too many towels for what I needed - October 7th, 2020

Iron remover sprayed on my car - October 7th, 2020

Gaby - October 7th, 2010

Gaby - October 7th, 2010

Gaby - October 8th, 2010

Gaby - October 8th, 2010

Gaby getting her hair done - October 8th, 2016

Gaby getting her hair done - October 8th, 2016

Gaby getting her hair done - October 8th, 2016

Gaby getting her hair done - October 8th, 2016

Gaby getting her hair done - October 8th, 2016

October 8th, 2020

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Good Morning Beautiful

Good morning beautiful, these three words I would say to her. I meant them every time I said them. I am not sure if that even mattered. I am not sure of anything anymore. It feels like it was a dream.

At night I dream of you

There's nothing that we cannot do

Together in the dream we are quite a pair

I wake, open my eyes and you are not there

I sigh and try not to fret

But there's part of me that is upset

You say you are there and that you are close

But not when I need you the most

Staying strong through this is a must

If not, there is no us

The love I feel for you runs deep in my heart

That's why It's hard for me being apart

I know you love me, this I have seen

I just hope it's not all a dream


darlene rabideau


Louvre Museum in Paris France

Darlene Rabideau in Paris




Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Not a good feeling

This article, Phrases narcissists use hit home with me. Having gone through all three stages and with each stage having many of these things said to me. It is not a good feeling. I hope no one I know ever has to go through what I went through in dealing with a narcissist.

Here's a quick run through.

Idealization Stage:

  • You're my soul mate
  • I've never met anyone like you before or You've never met anyone like me before
  • You're so kind, creative, smart, and handsome 
Devaluation Stage:

  • You're crazy!
  • You're too sensitive!
  • No wonder nobody else likes you

The explanation of why they are devaluing you:

  • My husband cheated on me
  • I don't do it on purpose or It's not intentional

Devalue what I loved to do or my interests and who I talk to

  • You like that? It's dumb!
  • I can't believe you enjoy doing that
  • Don't talk to your friends about me

Discard Stage:

  • No one likes you!
  • Nobody else will love you
  • I'm the best you'll ever have
  • Have fun being alone for the rest of your life
  • You did this to yourself
They will also tell anyone that knows you how you are trying to make them look bad and how crazy you are. They make you blame yourself. If you are around a person like this, try to distance yourself from them.



Sunday, September 20, 2020

Lifted

Yesterday was a satisfying day. The weather was just right, not or cold. I got my yard work done without overheating. The big thing that made me happy was that I was able to lift my car. I purchased a Twin Busch mid-rise scissor lift a couple months ago and have been waiting for their ramps to come back in stock. They had a month to six weeks when I emailed them back at the beginning of August. I decided I did not want to wait any longer. After seeing a video on YouTube where a detail shop had the same lift and used Race Ramps I decided to do the same thing. These Race Ramps work perfectly for the job. They are designed for trailers, but the design fits the lift. It was surreal having the car lifted off the ground for the first time. I may get larger rubber blocks to put under the lift points. The current setup is one and half inch rubber block and then round slotted rubber blocks that fit in the pinch welds. I have found three inch rubber blocks on Amazon. The reason is that the lift touches some of the under body covers when lifted and that bothers me. I'll need to get a lift oil drain pan too. This is all actually so cool to me. I will say the going up part, once the rubber blocks are in the correct place is smooth. The coming back down not so much. It is a little jerky and the car sways. I could hear the gas sloshing in the tank as it came down. I did not take it to the full height, but I believe I could have. It would just clear the garage door opener. I feel this is a big accomplishment for me. It has been something I've wanted for a few years and being able to get it and get it working makes me feel good. There are more pieces to be done to the garage, but that will wait until my new main goal/priority is achieved. 

September 19th, 2020




Gaby - September 20th, 2011

Gaby - September 20th, 2011

September 20th, 2020


Wednesday, September 9, 2020

A lot of memories on this day

Today is a day that has a lot of memories associated with it. Most are in the recent past as that is when I was taking pictures more and it was saved. I am actually grateful for that. I like to look at past memories. I wish I had more pictures before I carried a phone that took pictures whenever. Carrying a camera around and then getting the film developed was a pain in the ass. Today I have pictures of Gaby where she is almost year old and other pictures of Gaby swimming at a "her" house in 2017. I have a picture of Maria, Aidina and myself after we had lunch at the Domain. I wish I was still in touch with Maria. I also have pictures of my trip to Paris, France from 2014.

Paris Airport - September 9th, 2014

Louis Vuitton Paris - September 9th, 2014

September 9th, 2014

September 9th, 2014

September 9th, 2014

September 9th, 2014

September 9th, 2014

September 9th, 2014

September 9th, 2014

September 9th, 2014

September 9th, 2014


September 9th, 2014

September 9th, 2014

The picture below is from the morning at work in 2019. We were not sure what happened but there was a lot of police in the parking lot.
September 9th, 2019

VIN of a Jaguar F-Type that I needed for the Christmas present I got her. It was an engraved blueprint of her car and I wanted it to have the VIN on it. - September 9th, 2017

Aidina on my right and Maria on my left - September 9th, 2012

September 9th, 2020